Friday, July 07, 2006

Thoughts and Tears

One of my pastimes when I’m at home in Chennai is to sit on my house terrace and bask under the usually moonlit, starry and breezy, late night… just close my eyes, be a mute spectator to the random thoughts in their Brownian motion of my fluid memory. The randomness lies in the flow of the thoughts, which bring a smile on my face one moment, making its way to a tear or two the next second and again giggles of uncontrollable laughter vanishing into the redness of anger.

It is really very relaxing to just let my emotions free and let them run around like wild horses with me enjoying and reliving the moments again. And one would find me crying at that time. Those tears are neither of pain nor of joy. I feel they are simply a means of cleansing the mind, taking all the pains and sorrows with them as they flow down my cheeks leaving their salty streaks behind. They leave a sense of calmness in me.

I miss those moments here. I want more of solitude. But most of the time I find loneliness (in crowd). I can’t afford to drown in my thoughts because that would make people really question my sanity if they were to see me smile, laugh and cry all alone.