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Friday, September 30, 2005

Of birthdays, treats and disappointments.


I am writing about September 2005 of my life late in October... too late to remember anything that happened then.

Well, the month flew by... celebrating the birthdays of Y, ND and S.

We celebrated Ganesh Chathurthi here in B'lore. We visited the Adhi Vinayaka Temple that evening and overate the whole day.

I went to Forum for the first time and met my school and college friends there.

I went to the office one weekend...9 to 9 on a Saturday and Sunday...sounds crazy? Yea...if I say that the reason was to complete the assignment and study for Oracle test, then it sure IS crazy. The result (not of the test) was that I had a sleepy week after that.

I bought another book- The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud.

One weekend I went home. I joined my friends SK and S to give a treat to our college friends for getting placed into good companies.Now, this was the disappointing part of the month.

I remember, I couldn't stop smiling at the thought of meeting everyone after 3 long months, talking and laughing about everything we had experienced.I was also eager to tell about my B'lore life, my office and my friends. I was in a very chirpy and bubbly mood when I reached there. I was hoping that everyone would notice this change in me...coz seldom was I this happy when in college.

All these thoughts and my mood popped like a bubble when I saw the relatively cold mood of my friends.

Though all were sitting at the same table, all split into small groups. While some were talking among themselves about the things that happened in their workplace( they worked in the same office) , some others were cracking jokes and laughing about something which I had no clue of and I was sitting there all alone in the crowd like an island. It was as if I had become invisible. I felt very disappointed and felt like crying.

In fact, I had gone there with the hope that I would update myself with what's happening in their lives ...and failed in the effort. I couldn't "talk" to anyone and the usual "how are you? what are doing these days?" doesn't count as talking, in my opinion.

I came back home with a heavy heart. I was really disappointed with what had happened and also with myself. Why did I feel that way? Was I over-reacting? C'mon! I couldn't even talk to my good friend who was sitting right across the table.

On the way back home, in the bus, I was brooding about this...desperately seeking answers to my nagging questions. I was feeling the same way when I was in college. And that had changed completely after I joined work and made friends here. What was the reason? Why did I feel happy and blissful in the company of my friends at work?

I saw a couple sitting on the seat in front of mine in the bus. The girl was resting her head on the guy's shoulder. That was when I realized that I needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone who would listen to what I say, with whom I can really have a "talk" and confide in, someone who had no prejudices and does not jump to conclusions about what I say , someone who would say that it is ok to feel how I feel , accept me as I am and does not tell me to change myself in order to please others. And I had found that someone in all of my friends at work.

I was happy to be back in B'lore. I had really missed them all in those two days. It seems to be a short time, but they were really unbearably long 2 days.
I believe that everything happens for good. And maybe this disappointment was good in a way too. I had this experience and now I treasure their friendship all the more.

2 comments:

Anil said...

First delete these ads as comments. Then... its time to move on in life. It was just a bad day. They all do care for you. I dont know how is it with you. I find it hard to talk in a group. Individually I talk well with people close to me. Any way you are an elite few who enjoy at work. Do keep the good spirit.

Deepa said...

Hi Anil

Sorry for a late response...I know they do care for me...but Then I felt so unwanted there...invisible. That hurts!